Single Mom…and so much more!

My Story

Here I am, GOD’S CHOSEN VESSEL, naked, not ashamed, and offering full-disclosure about all that I am: single mom, motivator, a woman of courage destiny and purpose, encouraging women to reclaim their purpose and walk in their destiny. I have a vast amount of life experience: early motherhood, marriage, divorce, mentoring youth and women, and I am hellbent on combating the single mom stereotypes portrayed by popular media. Moreover, I want to redefine the way single moms see themselves. And hopefully my willingness to be naked and not ashamed will resonate with someone, letting them know that “You are not alone.”

I always knew God had a purpose for my life, but when I got pregnant out-of-wedlock with my first child, I thought I had negated His ability to use me. I was disappointed in myself and even more disappointed that I had failed to live up to others’ expectations of me. Feeling tainted and inadequate, I ran to marriage as a means of redemption and getting back into everyone’s good graces.

I spent many years hiding behind my marriage and kids, struggling to maintain a good-girl image. But, my marriage eventually ended, and there I was, once again, dealing with the stigma of being a young African American single mother.

After my divorce, I poured myself into my children, thinking their success would vindicate me not living up to mine. After all, isn’t that what “good” mothers do, give their all to their children, forgo their dreams and neglect themselves? You should have thought about dreaming BEFORE you had children. That is how society tells us to think. And, any thoughts of a life independent of your children should deem you unfit to parent.

Consequently, I acquiesced to others’ expectations and limitations of me. And while my life looked pretty good on the outside, I neglected the woman within. I was in school full-time working towards a bachelor’s degree, I had just taken a job making more than I’d ever made in my life, and we were living in the house that I’d bought after living in a motel for more than a year. Most people would say we were moving up. But, it was all a farce, and I wasn’t happy. I was in overachievement mode, simply going through the motions, trying to atone for getting pregnant out-of-wedlock, being a teenage mother three times, and failing to make my marriage work. I’d lost my way and no longer knew who I was apart from my kids. Moreover, I didn’t know how to be pleasing to God.

But, eventually, I took back my power when I went back to my Creator to redefine my purpose: a ministry to encourage, motivate and inspire single moms to fulfill their dreams sans guilt. I let go of other people’s expectations of me so I could own my life, write my story and live my own legacy. I made my mess my message, and traded my need for a perfect image for my desire to be real. As I began to share my story, other women did the same. I now use my experiences–the good, and the not-so-good–to mentor, coach and connect with other single moms.

All of my children are grown now, and I’m happy that I learned to stop living my life for and through them. It is my prayer that I will continue to walk boldly in my purpose and glorify and honor God. It’s been quite a journey reclaiming the woman who for too many years identified as a broken woman. But I’m ready to share my life and experiences with the world, for it is when we shine our light and speak our truth that we give others permission to do the same.

Related posts:
1. 101 things about me
2. Ten things I wish I’d done before having kids