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I have three daughters, and last week I realized that not one of them have ever dated a man with a GED, let alone a high school diploma or a college degree. For some reason they don’t feel worthy. Middle Daughter taxis up and down the freeway to the correctional facility each weekend to visit the man she plans to spend the rest of her life with, while Baby Girl just asked her abusive boyfriend to buy her a $70 pair of Apple Bottom shoes after he put a few bruises and scratches on her chest and neck. She was all set to kick him to the curb until she found those shoes and decided she values them more than her life.

Where is the self-value and the self-worth?

The Pact

I raised these girls as as single mother, and Lord knows I tried to lead by example. I’ve never been hit by a man, dated an ex-con, or had a Boo in prison. So, I’m befuddled by their choices. And I’m sick and tired of people attributing their behavior to the absence of their father. “Oh, they act like that because their dad isn’t around.” As you can see in the picture above, he’s in the picture, literally. But, let’s face it and keep it real, there are times when daughters are probably better off without their deadbeat daddies.

It goes without saying that my babies’ daddy is not exactly a front-runner for the Father of the Year award. After all, what daughter wants to hang out getting drunk at the bar with her dad? What kind of an example is that? And not only does First Born get drunk with her daddy, but they now have a pact: he calls before he comes home in case she’s entertaining company, if you know what I mean. (I can’t make this stuff up.)

So, what do girls really want from their daddies?

Baby Girl wants a father figure who can offer discipline, structure, boundaries and direction. I came to that conclusion this past weekend when I was talking to AD, and she completely ignored the fact that I was on the phone. It drives him crazy because he thinks she competes for my attention. But, I’m inclined to believe it’s his attention she craves, and not mine, since she only does it when I’m on the phone with him. (I talk to my girlfriends all the time, and she never interrupts.) And after I thought about it for a minute, I remembered that she was the same way when I dated Nars.

Nars was really good for her. When I was dating him, Baby Girl did much better in school, was in college making plans for law school, and was far more discerning about the people she hung out with. He gave her lots of attention and fatherly advice and was as crazy about her, as she was about him.

I’m sure my other daughters desire a father figure as well. It’s just unfortunate that they probably won’t ever get what they want from their daddy. But, that doesn’t mean they have to settle for dating knuckleheads. The ultimate solution would be to love daddy from afar. And even when he doesn’t make a big fuss over them, they’ll have to learn to make a fuss over themselves. Because, at the rate they’re going, they are definitely going to have to raise their standards.

Related posts:

1. Our daughter are riding and dying
2. When should we put our daughters on the pill?