I know how to leave. Teach me how to stay.

24Mar2009 Filed under: Dating and Relationships Author: Lisa Maria Carroll

I have a confession: I have a fairly extensive DNA list on my cell phone. That’s the “DO NOT ANSWER” list that the brothas land on when they say the wrong word, disrespect my boundaries, or act like they don’t have the sense that God gave them. And once they’ve made the list, it’s pretty much a done deal for me because the ring tone for all DNA callers is MUTE. So, I don’t know if he’s calling or not.

Plain and simple, I know how to cut a brotha off. I say that more as a confession of my faults, and not because it’s something that I’m proud of. I know how to leave. But I really want to learn how to invest in and make a relationship work. How do I stay instead of packing up and walking away? And how do I pray when I’d much rather go postal?

Is there anybody out there willing to keep it real about how they stayed together through the good and the bad, for better and for worse? I mean, I don’t need to know all your personal business. But I’m so tired of embellished, glamorized testimonies of marriage success stories. What’s the point? That’s why I like Jon and Kate plus 8. They definitely don’t pretty things up for the camera. Jon and Kate’s lives aren’t perfect, and neither are their marriage or kids. But, they are riding out those waves. And that’s endearing to someone like me who wants smooth sailing all the time. Right now, it’s one bump and I’m out.

In addition to living life vicariously through the Gosselins, I’m also reading The Love Dare. I walked past this book so many times in Wal-Mart before I rented the movie Fireproof. That movie was well-worth the whole dollar that I paid to rent it. The message in the movie is the one I’m trying to convey here today: how do I stay when I really want to go?

Tags: dating, relationships and sex

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6 Responses to “I know how to leave. Teach me how to stay.”

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March 26th, 2009 at 10:22 pm

[...] I know how to leave. Teach me how to stay. – Single Mom…and so … [...]
Ruben Hopkins
March 27th, 2009 at 4:38 am

There is no answer to that! People do what they want to do regardless of what they have to loose of gain. There is no rhyme or reason when it comes to what makes a person do the things they do. Hell, if a woman does not have bi tendencies I really don’t want to be botherd. But, who tells stuff like that when you are meeting some one for the first time. It is all the stuff that we have or keep hidden because we don’t want to be alone that can later cause the problems. This confession my get me a secure spot on the DNA list but you gotta admit there are just things that no one wants to share.
Rich Single Momma
March 31st, 2009 at 2:55 pm

I think we have the same questions. It’s hard especially when you see so many loveless relationships too. I don’t have the answer because I’m pretty much like you and would rather have my peace than conflict of any kind.

I saw the movie Fireproof too and I loved it. I’ve been looking for that book, but maybe not hard enough. I might have to run out and search for it today. Anyway I believe that it’s possible to have a lasting relationship, just have to learn how to turn everything over to God and do the opposite of what I’d normally do.

Thanks for being so honest in this post.
Lisa Maria Carroll
April 9th, 2009 at 2:24 am

Ruben,

I don’t have your number, so we’re good there.

One would think that, with the current “bi” trend/epidemic, that you would have no problem finding a mate. If you know you want a woman with bi tendencies, then you need to let that be known upfront. Otherwise, why bother? Are you hoping the woman will “turn” bi over time?

One of the biggest problems I have with the men I meet is the lack of honesty and integrity in the beginning. They say they don’t drink, but they’re at the bar every night. They say they don’t smoke, and then later they’re a “social” smoker. They say they want a monogamous relationship, but they still have “friends” or want to swing. They say they don’t use drugs, but later they “only smoke weed.” Do they think the whole bait and switch will make me stay after I find out they’ve lied? Lying will get you put on the DNA list quicker than anything.

Lisa
Yolonda
April 14th, 2009 at 8:02 pm

Talk about a post that got me thinking. I never really looked at my relationships this way I always thought of it as doing what was best for me and not sticking around for the drama and heartache. Now you have me wondering if I just don’t know how to stay in a relationship. Great post appreciate your honesty.
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June 20th, 2009 at 9:52 pm

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