couple2.png A few years ago I stepped back onto the dating scene full of high hopes and even higher expectations. I was in my early 30s, and was really anticipating a different crop of men than the ones I’d dated in the past. Since I prefer dating men at least 10 years older than me, surely my suitors would have put away childish things (no direction in life, living with their mama, and too broke to date themselves, let alone me) and have their act together (a car, living on their own, and know how to plan a date).

My past dating experiences had taught me to make my requests known, and I have not because I asked not. I used to go out with men who couldn’t feed themselves, let alone take me on a date; lived at home with their parents; and bought weed on credit (but couldn’t keep their lights on). Friends and family who thought my standards were too high and that I needed to loosen up a bit were usually the ones who set me up with these men. They took me from being too rigid to having no standards at all.

So it should come as no surprise that when I stepped back on the dating scene, I chose to remain on my own. And wouldn’t you know, the first guy was a lot like the men in my past. He drank, chewed tobacco, and lied about everything. It took about a week for me to kick him to the curb. The next one literally begged me to go out with him until I finally gave in. We decided we’d go to the Cheesecake Factory one Friday night, which seemed like such a simple, no-brainer kind of date, right? WRONG.

*Strike one* It was standing room only when we got there, and we didn’t have reservations. How could a 40-year-old man ask a woman out on a date and not make reservations? *Strike two* Instead of waiting, we went to Red Lobster, where there was another 30-minute wait. This time we decided to wait. But, after about 10 minutes I was tired of playing nice and told him I was ready to go. *Strike three* He spotted a Wendy’s and stopped to get himself something to eat, and then asked if I wanted something. I never talked to him again.

After that I decided there would be no more making-nice or friendly dates for me. It’s a waste of time and not worth the frustration. I told my aunt about my decision, and how I had even relaxed (okay, more like tossed aside) some of my rules to go out with these guys. She told me that I needed to get clear about what I wanted and then I’d be surprised at what I got.

She was right. Once I stopped compromising, I started getting exactly what I wanted. And, like she said, I was surprised that there were so many men who fit my list:

He MUST be SINGLE

He MUST have a car. (Lord, please deliver me from a man with no car.)

He MUST be a Christian and is actively practicing his faith. I need a man who can pray for and over me.

My preference is someone who is DARK skinned, but I’m willing to make an exception. Oh…and bald. Bald would be oh-so nice.

I prefer a man who is older than me, but again, there are exceptions.

He must be socially conscious, extremely intelligent and a great communicator.

He cannot be nor ever have been on the downlow. Likewise, he must not have any homosexual tendencies. (I’m not strapping anything on nor am I willing to insert anything into an orifice that should clearly be exit only.)

He must have direction in his life, know what he wants, and is working towards it. (I can’t follow a parked car.)

He must be a provider, able to provide for and take care of me. (I refuse to buy my own ring, pay the Justice of the Peace, and then move the man into my house.)

I prefer traditional gender roles, but we can define the relationship as we go along. Note: If I have to wash my own car or take out the trash, chances are real good that we won’t be together.

He must have a legitimate source of income.

The relationship must be between TWO people: me and him. He must have all of his previous relationship issues resolved. If his body is with me, while his head is somewhere else, then his body needs to go join his head wherever it may be.

He must be a non-smoker, and preferably a non-drinker.

He has to be handling his financial responsibilities, including making his child support payments and not have any utilities turned off.

He has to pay for the first date…FOR BOTH OF US. No, I’m not Ms. Independent, and I don’t roll dutch on a first date.

I must have a home court advantage. (More on this later.)

I’ve tweaked my list a bit. Am I now being too picky? I mean, it’s not like I asked him to own a tux, although that would be nice.

Related posts:
1. Cougars and cubs: Am I missing out on love?
2. Cohabitation conundrum: Is your name on the roll?