Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV 9/Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10/If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11/ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12/ Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Not Easily Broken, the latest faith-based feature film from Bishop T.D. Jakes, touches upon themes of marriage, relationships, family and romance. Although I’m a huge fan of Bishop Jakes and of faith-based movies, I must confess that Morris Chestnut is the reason I paid $9.50 for the movie last weekend…yes, NINE DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS! All because my daughter refused to go to the matinee.

Morris Chestnut was the leading man, and Taraji P. Henson, his leading lady, was the quintessential, finger-snapping, I-DON’T-NEED-NO-MAN, bad-attitude-having, strong Black woman who was on the career fast-track while her marriage was on a slippery slope. I got so tired of the way she treated her husband that I wanted to jump onto the big screen and do all the things for him that she wouldn’t. And, I’ve never considered myself to be a clean-up woman. But for Morris, I was willing to make an exception.

the-family-that-preys.jpg One would think that after sitting through Henson’s performance over the weekend, that I would get something a little “gentler” on DVD. But, n-o-o-o, on Tuesday I went out and got Tyler Perry’s latest DVD release, The Family That Preys. In this movie actress Sanaa Lathan is the high-powered, career-driven, strong Black woman who loses her scruples AND her mind when she sleeps with her boss, thinking he’ll leave his wife for her. Her attitude problem and lack of judgment damages her relationship with her family and costs her her marriage.

After seeing these movies, I had to do a self-assessment: What makes me a strong Black woman? And how successful can we be alone? The bible teaches us that one person can chase a thousand of them, and two people can put ten thousand to flight. (Deuteronomy 32:30)

My aunt, in all of her “infinite wisdom,” used to always say that a man couldn’t tell her sh*t, and he’d better not ask her too many questions. She said her job was her man. It paid her bills, kept a roof over her head and food on her table. And I’ll admit that was also my mantra in my early twenties. (Let’s just chalk that up to learned behavior.) But, over the years, I’ve gotten wiser, and now know the value of relationships.

I now find strength in submission. I know that’s a word that many people shun, but I know how to surrender in lieu of trying to be right, because I don’t want my ego to sever my relationships, be they familial, romantic, or platonic. I prefer to live rightly over being right, because where there’s unity there’s strength.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV 9/Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10/If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11/Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12/Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

When I think about my aunt who used to shout that she didn’t want, much less need, a man, I cannot remember a time that she didn’t have a one, even when it was somebody else’s husband. (Oops, did I say that out loud?) But, yet, she was the example that I looked to when it came to learning how to have a relationship with a man. That’s what happened to Henson’s character, Clarice, in Not Easily Broken. She took her cues from a bitter mother who couldn’t make her marriage work.

But, with age comes wisdom (or it should). I’m wise enough now to admit that I’ve learned and grown from the follies of my youth. I’ve shifted my focus. I now view women like Michelle Obama and Jada Pinkett-Smith as the personification of strong Black womanhood when it comes to marriage. Here are women who had careers before marrying their husbands, but resist their opportunity to announce who’s the boss, who wears the pants, or who makes the most money during interviews. Instead, these women know how to build their men up, and in turn, shine right alongside them.

So, every time I think about my accomplishments and achievements, I’ll remember that I didn’t do it alone. I’ve always had supporters who were my sustenance when I felt weak or grew weary on my journey. I’ve stumbled along the way, but got back up. And I pray that I will always be grounded enough to give credit where credit is due, instead of belting out in a challenging tone that I’ve got this or that. That is what truly makes me a strong Black woman.

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