Single Mom Empowerment Expert. Woman of courage, destiny and purpose.
Is your name on the roll?
These tough economic times have got many folks considering cohabitation as a way of getting some economic relief. In most cases, it’s the only bailout plan they’ll get. While it’s one thing to move back in with mom and dad to save money or to get a roommate to defray the rent, it’s a totally different ballgame when moving in with your “significant” other.
Earlier this year I had a serious lapse in judgment. Nars, an ex-boyfriend, invited me to his home, stating that we should spend time together if we were thinking about being together. (We live in different states.) I had just finished a project with a financial investment company in Minneapolis, and I was looking forward to moving to Charlotte. But, when Nars made the suggestion that I come there for awhile, I said yes.
No, I didn’t move in. And thank God for that, because it took only a couple of weeks for him to tell me that he didn’t understand why I was in his house. To me it was really simple, I was in his house because he invited me, and I accepted the invitation. But, he suggested that maybe I didn’t have anywhere else to go and that I was just using him for a place to stay.
Oh, he had me so twisted, because not only was I there cleaning his house, ironing his clothes, cooking his meals and buying his groceries, I also gave him a check to help him out. That’s when I had to ask myself why the devil was I there. Had I pulled the short straw or lost a bet?
I am so glad that I had the God-given sense to drive my truck to his house, because it took me less than 12 hours to put my things in it and leave. Furthermore, I’m thankful that I had better sense than to move in without my name being on a lease, a mortgage, a utility bill…a marriage license. There wasn’t a piece of paper in that house with my name on it. You see, I’m all about looking out for the “Lisa Corporation,” and I knew I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on if he decided to kick me out. My aunt always said that niggas get shitty. And I’ve never forgotten that. I dated Nars several years ago, so I knew how manipulative and egocentric he could be. So, I planned accordingly. (Remember, I’m practicing self-help these days.)
So, if you’re considering taking that step and moving in with your “honey” or your “boo,” I have one question before you go, “Is your name on the roll”?
Samantha
November 26th, 2008 at 9:23 am
Wow! I am almost speechless. I am so glad that you had your head on straight and got outta dodge. That is some messed up stuff!
…and you gave him a check? And he had the nerve to ask you why you were there? You are good. Other women would have torched the place, lol!
I’ve been there and done that though except it was the other way around. He came and stayed with me. Let me tell you that it got old quick (even after I married him, lol!). I was doing it all and reaping no real benefits.
It’s past time for women to learn how to keep their heads on straight in relationships. Getting caught up in a man is pointless if he’s not caught up in you. There’s a whole lot more that I can say about this. I think I’ll go write and post it on my blog.
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